[00:00:00] Wish: What makes you feel uncomfortable or the opposite? Comfortable with your situation. Let's unpack the few bits of my IVF journey. Conclusion.
[00:00:12] Welcome to Human Thesaurus Presents Epitome Anatomy. My name is Wish, and I talk about something somehow to dissect a word relevant for my life to yours. Ready for the epitome of aftermath. Let's go.
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[00:00:34] Wish: Our keyword is aftermath. It refers to the period that follows an unpleasant event or accident, as well as the effects it causes according to Cambridge dictionary. For its etymology, the earliest known use of the noun aftermath is in the middle English period.
[00:00:58] The Oxford English Dictionary's, earliest evidence of the word aftermath is from 1496. While people really built a word out of this. So if you can hear that aftermath is normally used after a disaster, after, a negative event. It's quite a negative word, I think with most words, well, with all the words that you're using, there is a power behind it, and you would know whether it, throughout time, throughout the course of time, whether that word may be positive or negative or what does it imply.
[00:01:36] So I'm using this word and I was very hesitant to use this word for my IVF journey. Conclusion, story. But I think it's still warranted to use the word aftermath because this is what everybody seems to grasp when you stop trying having children. It's not about giving up. the easiest, simplest.
[00:02:04] explanation came from my husband who said, oh, well we tried. We tried, and hell yes, we did. We tried and we became closer. And for me, my entire experience is quite the opposite of what you may be expecting. I did not need pity from anyone, myself. I'm not even gonna pity myself for it because really I did everything that I could, that my body could to try and have children.
[00:02:41] And there's a sign at that time when to stop. Remember when I mentioned that my mentor told me almost at the first year of trying to know, hopefully, that me and my partner would know when to stop? And here you go. We had the signs when to stop. you know, I could go on and on and keep on trying.
[00:03:07] Even if I get older, mentally and emotionally. I could go on and on, I could keep on going, but physically I can't. Uh, it's getting harder and harder post. Treatments, especially when it becomes negative that it wasn't fruitful. My recovery period before, it's like, okay, I could try again after five days. You know, when your first period comes, you can try again.
[00:03:35] Nowadays I need to recover at least four to six weeks before I could do another one or even longer. It's just. I could feel, and it's taking a toll on my body. It's not fun. It's not fun. I always believed that this is a goal for me, and I could do it, so I could endure whatever it takes, whatever toll it takes on my body, but.
[00:04:03] Also, I believe, for a secret to a healthy life and to a long life, one of the of the secret would be listening to your body, what your body needs. And this is not working for us anymore. So yes, we stopped this year and that's the aftermath. The aftermath. You know, I would match the aftermath word to something else.
[00:04:27] Impetus. Impetus is the force or energy, which a body moves. It's the momentum. it's the thrust in, it's the force, you know, or, stimulus. It makes you do something, makes something happen quickly. So that's the impetus, aftermath. The word aftermath versus impetus.
[00:04:49] So I'm gonna collect them because I think the aftermath of us saying that this is the last and it didn't work. So that's it. the aftermath, became our impetus. At least for me. I'm going to speak for myself within, you know, like this past few episodes. Anyway, so my aftermath is the impetus for me to restart.
[00:05:13] And to be honest with you, I'm still gathering that it's like leaving a job. That you were doing for four years, so ever so passionately, ever so gracefully. Not all the time graceful, but again, I told you, I really enjoyed the moments and
[00:05:33] I'm still figuring it out. So if you've left a job like that, that you love so much, the question is, okay, what now, what am I supposed to do? I have to stop this job that I so love to do, and so what's next? So that's where I am right now. And like what my best friend told me, Anne. Hi Ann. Ann told me to give myself some grace after everything that I've been through because regardless of how positive everything has been for me, that I got lucky that the hormones affected me more.
[00:06:10] Like, better, like chill than a cycle. Of course, there are other emotions that has to go through it. I need to be, you know, I need to be upfront here. Um, you know, if I generalize my entire experience, it's really positive. It's really something encouraging and life changing and it's just, you know, I'm grateful that I was able to do this.
[00:06:34] On the other side, yes, I embraced also all the uglies in it because not every test is like, okay, it's negative. Oh, well, okay, let's, um, let's try again. And then either my husband or my doctor would say, uh, can you rest a little bit? Or, I think that for me, the things that I didn't really like would be the surgeries as well.
[00:06:59] Because you know, it, it hurts. Like post-surgery, it hurts. Uh, and of course the miscarriages, that's another thing on its own, but I'm going to keep it as personal because that's mine. That's mine to keep, but it's not a secret. I think a lot of women have gone through this in different forms of emotion.
[00:07:24] For me, it's mixed. The first one is what it was. Okay, because it wasn't, you know, a human yet. The second one hit me quite hard and I have to grieve, and I think a part of me is still grieving for that one, but I know I owe it to that unborn embryo. Or unborn what? Pea-sized being to live my life. For the better because it's not meant to be.
[00:07:51] And to be honest, when I'm mostly dreading because of, um, all of these, like after all of these trials, um, all of the trying are people who would look at me with pity. I dread that because I didn't feel that I lost something.
[00:08:12] Uh, because we were as we were pragmatic with our approach to this, yes, it's sad, but it's not a loss because it's not meant for us. We're probably supposed to do something else. So I will go back to the word impetus because it's forcing me, it's driving me to make my life better. How can I make myself better?
[00:08:39] How can I make and contribute to this, to the society for the better? How can I give a little bit of my grace and a little bit of my Grateful Men gratefulness in this world? I think that's. That's what makes me hopeful because I'm not gonna waste this life. I may be childless, but I'm not pathetic. I may be childless, but I have so much love to give and there are lots of pets and family and friends who deserve that love.
[00:09:11] So in the end, my conclusion with all of these, I hope you picked up something. I cannot even begin to tell you where this mindset is coming from. I also surprise myself, but yes, I'm also on perimenopause, so yes, I cry once in a while. It's like I cry, and the funniest thing when I cry, I want it to be like, I want to make most out of it.
[00:09:34] I would either write. Nonsensical poems out of it, or I would cry and I will be normally saying, why am I crying? What's wrong? There is nothing wrong. Can, can I dig that? Can I dig something that's wrong like that? I am, I'm sure a lot of women would relate to kind of nonsensical crying, but we needed it.
[00:09:55] So going back to the, my conclusion about this journey, whoa. I am just so amazed how a woman could go through all of this shit. I'm amazed by, by how life can throw everything at you and you survive it, and you can. You can go through it in so many different ways because all of us at the end of the day are individuals.
[00:10:20] Our bodies react to everything individually, um, imperfectly and really, uh, originally to our, to our own selves. It's just amazing, amazing. So what's next? This is what's next. There's this podcast and I'm gonna figure it out as always. to summarize my conclusion, my aftermath, I, I've written this, um, on a piece of paper here.
[00:10:47] My aftermath is a restart. It's my new beginning, as simple as that. How about you if you've been through IVF and either it's fruitful or unsuccessful. When you stopped, what were your thoughts? I would love to hear that from you, from different perspectives, from different people. It will be fantastic to hear, uh, what your experiences would have been until next time. Ciao! Human Thesaurus Podcast is produced by me and my brother, Jeremiah Ronquillo. All rights reserved via Wishblizz Media.
