Epitome Anatomy: Flow

In this IVF episode series, host Wish Peacocke shares her personal IVF journey, highlighting the importance of going with the flow and finding peace of mind amidst the challenges. She reflects on her intriguingly positive experiences over four years and six months, including multiple treatments and surgeries, and emphasises the significance of maintaining a pragmatic mindset.

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Transcript

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (00:00.366)
Laozi, a Chinese Daoist philosopher, quoted, "Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." This is a good temperament ideally when going through IVF. Let's continue this topic.

Welcome to Human Thesaurus Presents Epitome Anatomy My name is Wish and I talk about something, somehow, today's sector word relevant from my life to yours. Ready for the epitome of flow? Let's go!

Our keyword is flow. It is a verb or a noun meaning to move in one direction, especially continuously and easily, according to Cambridge Dictionary. For its etymology, the earliest known use of the noun flow dates back to the mid 1700s. It is also recorded as a verb from the Old English period, pre-1150.

Okay, let's continue my IVF journey story. I chose the word flow for this one because I think the biggest theme for this entire episode of my life is going with a flow, not knowing everything and just experiencing it day per day, unfolding them and learning from it every single

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (02:06.176)
second of this experience. So what did I feel that I needed when I started this and throughout the course of this entire journey? Before I give you a full answer about that, I'm going to give you a full summary of my four years, six month IVF journey. This is what I went through.

Two IUIs, that's the assisted insemination, and one discontinued IUI. Five IVFs. This is the retrieval of the eggs. And throughout that process also involves the assisted production of embryos. I had two fresh embryo transfers, eight frozen embryo transfers, two miscarriages, two minor surgeries, one major surgery. Those surgeries are necessary for my optimal reproductive health at that time. And of course, there are countless numbers of needles, frequent blood tests, medication, visits to the doctors, to the nurses, what, massive gain weight which is again another topic on its own, getting to know yourself in a different form, body form. So that's the summary of that entire journey in numbers. I think it will be more relevant the way I would explain more or even just like communicate with you the things that I went through in general, not to bore you. I'm not going to go into full details with that.

I think there's a general message here across the board of my experience that may not even be expressed as much as a lot of stories that we hear. That's quite scary for a lot of people, but I digress. So let's go back to what did I feel or think that I needed going through this entire, you know, my summary, numbers and numbers and a lot of tries.

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (04:28.024)
for this IVF journey. So at that time, I knew what I needed and I think I stumbled upon what I really needed as I move along one round after another, after one treatment, et cetera. At that time, one of the biggest things that I wanted is peace of mind. Peace of mind meaning I'm really going back to the topic, I'm just going with the flow.

That gives me a peace of mind. Not thinking, I need to wait two weeks after the transfer. You know, it's like, is it going to work? Am I pregnant? And I try not to dwell on the end product of each, what you call it, each treatment. I just needed to give myself some sanity that I could only do so much. I don't need to try too hard because it's my body's call.

whether my uterus would either accept or reject it. It's really beyond my control. So the only thing I could control is my peace of mind. The only thing that I could also control is the way I react to things, the way I approach life. So a part of what I needed during this entire journey was keeping myself busy, having a purpose. To be honest,

this IVF treatments where I really considered it as a job. Like it's my top priority. It's like my career since I'm retired in the real sense of the word, but I really prioritize this over anything. I kept myself busy. I kept my mind busy. I was still exploring potential entrepreneurship businesses and

I did a lot of due diligence and research for what I wanted to do. All of these, I surrounded myself with ideas that I could execute at that time. IE like selling cat collars here in Singapore. These things keeps me going. Yes, my priority is trying to have a child, but also giving me other hopeful things that I could do and I could control better.

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (06:49.548)
So it's that matter of balance that I found that keeps me going like a normal person and not psychotic or whatsoever. Because I think sometimes the hysteria may be coming from not just so much pump of progesterone and all of these chemicals in your body going through the entire treatment. It's also the mindset in general. Another thing that I really needed at that time, which I actually got

All of these that I thought that I needed, I mostly got because when I thought about it, I think I'm at this point in my life that when I know what I needed, it's there. Like I just don't will it. I make it happen. No more BS. Another biggest thing that I needed at that time is a lot of space. During my treatment, I try not to see a lot of people. I'm just happy.

For example, like for the embryo transfer, you need to wait two weeks, like 14 days before you can get a proper HCG blood test. This is the test when they check your HCG levels that will determine whether you're pregnant or not in a most accurate way, not just like a pregnancy test. I don't even do pregnancy tests even before that blood test at all. So I just...

would diligently wait for two weeks, keeping myself busy, and I also wanted that space. So I try not to see people in those two weeks. I don't know why, I can't give you an answer, but that's just me. And what else? Yes, I think the biggest one for me is the support from my husband. I think that's a...

very big deal for me because this is for him too. It's not just for me. Yes, it's I'm the vessel. I'm the one who's getting all the needles. He only gets one blood test every six months. For here in Singapore, you have to take HIV test every six months just to make sure they have the right records that you're negative, that wouldn't affect a lot of things in the process. I think at that time, I just needed my hobby to be there.

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (09:09.516)
Not necessarily doing anything but just like be there for me, supporting me and ultimately I want him to understand exactly my entire journey. He's there when I press the needle or needles every single night at the same exact time, which you really needed to do. And then we had that and then there are important

appointments with a doctor, I wanted him to be there because again, I wanted him to understand. And he's very involved with that, which I'm very grateful about. That kept me sane too. And at the same time, I think the pragmatism between us and the quiet, yeah, it's the quiet approach. It's a very quiet approach for the both of us. There's just that sense of peace, no intensity.

intensities for romance films, know, at least in my mind. So yeah, there's just that quiet reassurance that we'll be okay no matter what. We wanted it. We wanted it enough. We're committed. But it would not destroy our relationship. It actually built our relationship and more respect for each other. This is circling back to when I said I have mostly positive experience.

With my entire journey, again, the summary that you've heard of how much treatment I've been through, you know, for the first year of my treatment, I've got like not a lot of medication. But that time that I'm already 44 and 45, my treatment dosage went two folds to four folds. That's way more. Sometimes I would do four needles in one night.

for eight nights, something like that. But I began with just one before, one violin, all of these. Again, because of age. A lot of these is fine for me. It's a job for me. And I really did in mind the entire process. To be honest with you, I really enjoy the process because I've learned so much. I've learned so much about myself, my resilience, my strength. I've tested my strength.

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (11:29.578)
in my entire life through and through but I think this is one of the biggest ones that really created a character about me beyond what I can imagine I could do. I think it's so amazing what a woman's body could do, how resilient it is. Because in this journey, I just got lucky. This is not

bragging because again, I don't want to hear anybody about the what about-ism. So everything that I've heard about IVF is just grief and sadness and loss. And of course, there's on the other side, the successful ones, which is victorious and marvelous. But the story behind for most of that is grief and suffering and pain before they got their babies. I rarely hear something like mine.

My entire treatment, those injections, those pumps and pumps of progesterone and estrogen and I don't know, all of these pumps of hormones to help me also did not make me psychotic. It's actually the opposite. I'm so chill during my treatments. Like I can't get mad too fast. I can't get angry or if I'm angry, it dissipates super quickly.

as if my hormones are so balanced during my treatments that I'm so calm. I didn't take that for granted. I took opportunity to observe my own self like in a mirror. It's like, oh, this is a calm wish. Wow. It's, I don't know. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful to see myself that way.

And yes, it's the effects of the medication for me. And I really, really got lucky to have this kind of an experience with all of these drugs pumped into me for me to hopefully create a child. I'm in awe. I'm in awe how people can do this. This is just an IVF and I would not even experience pregnancy. That's another story altogether for the wondrous

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (13:49.24)
bodies of women. Having shared that with you, hopefully some of you who would be thinking of going through this, all I could tell you is that, of course, I can't tell you how your body would react to the treatment themselves. Our bodies would all have different reactions to this part of the treatment, but I do hope that I have shared with you something that's not normally

shared before that it could be okay. It could not be that scary that each of us would have different stories about IVF. They're never the same because all of us got our own different bodies and chemicals and everything else and resilience and buildups and your own character and personality on how you approach life.

But hopefully like what some of my nice friends, really, really good friends say that it's still important to tell my story because it gives hope. It gives hope that it's just not dire to go through something like this. My became not that fruitful, but boy, the learnings and the character building I've gathered from this and all the

extreme love and respect between me and my husband as irreplaceable. Plus the support and love, the unconditional support and love of my friends and family is just beyond, beyond, Unfortunately, I can't give it to a child, but it's okay too. I'm going back with going with the flow and having that peace of mind. So before I close this episode,

What do you think you've gathered? What thoughts do you have about IVF now? Can you share with me your experiences too? Whether you really had a difficulty or you really had a great joy during your treatments, whether it was effective or not. You can share them with me. Let me know. It will be nice to keep on exploring everybody's stories because I'm really in all of this journey.

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (16:16.086)
Until next time, ciao!

Wish Ronquillo Peacocke (16:24.77)
Human Thesaurus Podcast is produced by me and my brother, Jeremiah Ronquillo. All rights reserved via Wishblizz Media.