Tania's Rock, Paper and Scissors

"Since I put down my list, I've kind of really been liking what life's list is looking like, just not knowing." - Tania.

Tania is a modern-day explorer. She toils and braves the demanding world of career soul-searching and ultimately takes the plunge to change from two highly different careers. Her strength to acknowledge sensitivities for everyone around her, balancing it with choosing one's self to value, is an asset I truly admire in this fiery woman. Eavesdrop on our earnest conversation as we explore the synonyms we describe and their connection to each guest, this time with Tania.
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This episode's show notes and transcript: https://www.humanthesaurus.co/episodes/tanias-rock-paper-and-scissors

Podcast website: https://www.humanthesaurus.co
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Transcript

Wish 00:00:04
Hello, dear humanity. Welcome to Human Thesaurus. I'm your host-slash-wonderstruck Wish Ronquillo Peacocke. Human Thesaurus is an intersection between a vast lexicon that best describes our human nature. It's my conversation to highlight people like you and me doing what they do best while equating them to their own synonyms. 

Wish 00:00:04
Tania is a writer/filmmaker based in New York City. Her short film Pharmacopeia has been selected for regional, national and international film festivals. It includes Best US Short, Special Mention (for stylistic vision and emerging talent) at The Palm Springs International Short Fest, a finalist for Festival International Du film PanAfricain de Cannes, and a SFFILM Rainin Grant Finalist. She is currently a 2021 Sundown / Alfred P. Sloan artist working towards expanding the short into a full length feature, which I'm very excited about. Tania believes in using her voice to champion the causes of underserved and black communities, women and people of colour, illustrating the humanity in their stories. I met Tania via a friend who introduced me to her blog called Ugly Duckling Diaries. It's all about these women and sharing their story to show their ugly duckling phases through the evolution of their ugly duckling times to their success, to who they are as people right now. So at that time, we set up a phone call for me to tell her an outline of my Ugly Duckling story and she asked me if I could write for her blog, which I did. That was a fun thing for me to do with her. The last time we met, I think, was 2016. We were in LA and we had these fruit smoothies in a shop with my friends and that was really a beautiful time with her. Everything that she does, everything how Tania evolves, is something that I always watch for because I wouldn't be surprised with her different variables of success. I'm saying variable because she explores different things all the time and I have so much confidence that she will excel in all of them. I'm always proud of her. I always have this deep adoration and respect for her. My synonyms for Tania are fire as a noun, establishing as a verb and glorious as an adjective. Within this conversation, you'll further understand why I describe her as such. So here she is. Tania Taiwo.

Tania 00:03:07
So. Hi. My name is Tania Taiwo. Same as the words vessel as a noun, illuminate as a verb, tenacious as an adjective. I like the word scintillating and really just like the word dump, although I use it sometimes, but I use the word the way it sounds. 

Wish 00:03:07
Love it. Thank you so much for that.

Tania 00:03:34
Hi everyone. What's up? What's up? I'm so excited to be here. Wish, it's been a super long time and I'm so proud to have to witness your accomplishments from other side of the globe. Wow. I'm just always amazed at the path that life takes us and how that path just has what I call the spider web and how it ends up reaching other people, and then they end up it illuminates something in their path, and then they use their web to influence others and just make this world better than we found it.

Wish 00:04:18
How are you doing? Yeah, it's been a long time. And if it's okay with you for me to ask, how are you feeling? Like, post surgery?

Tania 00:04:28
So life is kind of wild right now. It's exciting. I tell people I'm on this journey where I have no idea what's happening in my life next. I'm just like, God surprised me, whatever it is, like, do you. And so right now, how am I feeling Excited. 

Wish 00:04:28
Why is that?

Tania 00:04:55
Because I have no idea what's around the corner. I've always been this person that had the list, had the plan, knew what the next year, three years, five years, what lifetime, how I wanted that to look. And then things are just different for me now to where I kind of want to be surprised by life. I kind of want to be open to what's next. And actually, since I put down my list, I've kind of really been liking what life's list is looking like, just not knowing. I'm enjoying approaching life. I'm enjoying seeing life through child-like wonder if that makes sense.

Wish 00:05:44
It does, because from the time that we've met until now, I've seen you flourish through leaps and bounds. So how did you come about from this journey from the time that we've met to now? Pursuing film and really excelling with it. So, yeah, what gives? How did you go through that journey? What made you have this realisation that, okay, this is where I'm going to go.

Tania 00:06:19
So for me, I guess the fork in the road was when I lost my mother. Just after that, I was definitely seeking for just with grief. I was just like, what's the point? Like, there has to be a point also to greet. It can't just be these things happen to us for no reason. I definitely believe in divine intervention, divine redirection. And I just began on a path of searching. I really needed meaning for my tears. And so my mother would always say, when you don't know what to do for yourself, be a blessing for others. And so I was just like, all right, I'm going through this phase. I feel like I'm going through the ugly duckling years all over again. I was like, I can't be the only person that feels like it's searching for meaning in just some of the dark moments in their life. And so that's when I created the blog, and I really wanted to just see if others were going through adulting years. But also, I have a niece, and she was just in those weird young and tween years. And so I also wanted to encourage her as she was experiencing and going through some of her ugly duckling years. And so that's why I created the blog. Maybe it was purely selfish, but just want to know there were others that were feeling the way that I was at the time, and just met some amazing women who were able to share their stories and how they really found their superpower through these dark moments. And so it was the blog for a time, and then it was the podcast, and I expanded it into a podcast, and it was that for a while, but those stories just really encouraged me. Just listening to other people, how they triumph, how they use their moments to find their superpower, how they use their moments to find their purpose, that just really inspired me. I also had come to I was a pharmacist and I had done pharmacy for the parents. 

Wish 00:06:19
Ohhhh 

Tania 00:06:19
Yeah, absolutely. And I just came to a point, like, with these stories, and I came to a point where I was just more stronger, and I just knew pharmacy was not doing it for me anymore. I knew life was too short for me to stay somewhere where I was unhappy doing something I was unhappy for a really good cheque. Just honestly, after my mom passed, some things just no longer made sense. And I took a trip to Bali. And when I came back, that trip was so amazing, so eye opening. When I came back, like four months later, I quit my career as a pharmacist. 

Wish 00:06:19
Wow. 

Tania 00:06:19
And I had always wanted to take a gap year, right? And so I took an adult gap year and I just travelled the globe and it was the most amazing experience of my life. I discovered parts of me that I never knew were there. There were things illuminated in me. I just saw stories of so many amazing women across the globe, and I'm like, oh my God, we're bad bitches everywhere! Yeah. And while on that trip, something in me just kept saying, you're supposed to write a script. You're supposed to write a script. And I met some friends in Portugal for New Year. That year? And I remember I was just like, guys, I'm going to write a script. And they were like, we like that for you. We like that for you. And so still not knowing what and came back to LA. And around that time, marijuana was legalised for recreational use. And so all of a sudden, I had friends and different people who had never considered smoking, who were like, hey, I have a friend that's a pharmacist. Let me ask her about this. Just in doing my own research out of my own curiosity during this time, as I began to research more, I was like, wait, there's a whole story here. I know we're all happy marijuana is being legalised, but it's like 4 million black and brown people that have lost their lives to this stuff.

Wish 00:11:17
Yeah.

Tania 00:11:17
And I was just like, Wait, that's my story, what I know about being a pharmacist, and just the lack of access when it comes to health care and my own experiences with my mother and feeling helpless against the healthcare system. And so I was just like, this is my story to tell. And I wrote a script from the heart. And it just kind of did really well from there. Surprisingly well. Yeah. And then I was just like, you know what? I'm going to make a short film. Nipsey Hussle had just passed and he inspired the hell out of me. He was definitely one for create your own opportunities. And I was in acting class at the time because I was just in a whole different phase of my life. And I was like, you know what? No one knows me in this industry. I can't get someone to read a pilot that I wrote, so it might be easier to get people to watch, like, five minutes or something. And so I was like, I'm going to make a film. And my friends were like, we love that for you. So again, I tell people, I Google my way here, 10,000 hours of Google, and that's how I'm here. Wow, that was a long story.

Wish 00:12:39
Yeah. When you're saying that Google got you there, but I think it's your determination and your authenticity that took you there. Because without your experience and tying it all up together with that 10,000 browsing hours. So it's really you, the exuberantly beautiful you that came out of it. Because when I saw that you made a film, the first thing that I told someone beside me. I can't remember who. I was just like, why am I not surprised?

Tania 00:13:25
It's wild when people it's amazing how people see you versus how you see yourself. Because to me, everyone is still speaking to that seven year old girl. And me, the one who is super brave, like, just would take jumps and leaps, but also so insecure with it herself and just still feeling just like she has no idea what she's doing. She still feels like she's still such a baby and young in the world. So thank you. I appreciate that.

Wish 00:14:02
But come to think of it, right, if you're thinking that you're still that seven year old you, that means you're still very grounded. So that's why your success, your continuous growth and success that may sometimes surprise you is because you're keeping your grounds. So I think that it's very important to any individual who may achieve anything. But when you're grounded, I think you still look back and appreciate and not take anything for granted. And that's where you kind of like, if you're writing stories, then you can dig deeper and the story that you're writing would make more sense, doesn't it?

Tania 00:14:47
Yeah, for sure.

Wish 00:14:48
Yeah. Coming from here, what are we going to see with Tania moving forward?

Tania 00:14:55
So interesting. So definitely the film that definitely wants to get made, continue on that journey. But I also I work in advertising now. I enjoy this time of commercials and working with brands and figuring out creative solutions. So definitely more of that. I enjoy that. And then also my own path as just a filmmaker, whether it's shorts, I really want to explore fashion films.

Wish 00:15:40
Yeah, that would suit you well.

Tania 00:15:45
Yeah, I really want to explore that. Yeah. I wish I had a plan. Only thing I know that's ahead of me is just continuing on this path in advertising and filmmaker.

Wish 00:16:02
Yes. Where are you at in your full feature script writing? How are you there right now? Where are you? Are you near finishing?

Tania 00:16:10
Oh, gosh, no. So in development phase, I had no idea. So the short I did that in five months. Hollywood, nothing happens in five months. So I am in development, which means I'm still in the script writing phase. Yeah. Still early. And then from there, it's just many other phases. So I'm hoping I can get this done in record Hollywood time, which is definitely not my personal timing, for sure. Right. It gives me time to get things right and learn. Yeah, I think that's the takeaway that I'm having right now.

Wish 00:16:56
How do you view the current Hollywood scene when it comes to up incoming talents like script writers and producers and directors? Where is Hollywood at when it comes to this portion? I'm just curious.

Tania 00:17:15
Okay, so I'm currently not really speak in Hollywood, which is actually I'm kind of happy about I'm under the Sundance umbrella, which has largely, in my opinion, shielded me from some of the ills of Hollywood.

Wish 00:17:33
Right.

Tania 00:17:34
Just because they're just amazing in how they develop and nurture and support their talent. So I'm happy about that because I'm still a young creative. And when you're a young creative and you're still advocating for yourself and your voice, I think to just go up against the Hollywood engine just solo, it maybe could affect the way you see the industry early on. Right now, because I am not steeped in Hollywood, and I am super happy about that. I still have the rose-coloured glasses on when it comes to the industry. And I know as I go deeper in and interact more, my perspective, my perceptions may change, but I'm glad that I am building a solid foundation through Sundance. I'm glad Sundance is my first real experience with the industry.

Wish 00:18:45
Oh, that's fantastic to know. That's good also for you, for your personality as well. And I think if you start in the commercial world of Hollywood, I guess it's really harder to kind of learn the values and ethics of things along the way.

Tania 00:19:09
Yeah, that will come. All of that.

Wish 00:19:14
You already have the tools as preparing to become a warrior before you enter the war.

Tania 00:19:22
Well said. Perfect. Seriously. Right. I actually hadn't even really reflected on that until this question.

Wish 00:19:34
So it's best to be prepared. But yeah, I mean, the experiences that you have and you're the type of a person who's just really embracing experiences, I think it will be valuable as well. Like a lot of people are very insecure. I think all of us are insecure about something. You shifted careers and it's really an extreme, like from science to arts to creative and from the get-go. That's why I wasn't surprised of your shift. It's because I always see that you have this creative side of you. It's very difficult to shift careers, but what have you learned when you shift careers? What advice can you give the younger generation or people who are pursuing...

Tania 00:20:29
Choose you! When I think about the years that I worked as a pharmacist and on the side, like fashion school, working on clothing line, like the block and the other things that I've done on the side, it was literally like I've always felt like two people and I had the science brain, the practical Tania. When you go to work, almost, you have to anaesthetize yourself, your feelings so that you can be present for other people in their emotions. When you work with really, I mean, when you work at a pharmacy, working with sick people, most of the time people are coming in here for something wrong and then you have to tell them your insurance doesn't cover this or your doctor hasn't called back, or you just have to almost deliver bad news all day long. Right? You have to listen to people, you're a therapist and what's happening with them so that you can give them just better advice, just as far as what you can be an advocate for their care and aid in their care in some way. So you literally you're absorbing a lot of emotions all day long. And so for me, it was literally numbing myself so that I could be so that it was almost like a form of defence, so that I could kind of keep my little bit of self care while also being fully present for people. And so you do that and then at night and weekends you're trying to be creative and it's just hard. It was just really hard. I'm surprised I was able to output what I was. But it's not easy to choose you. It's not easy when you feel like you're disappointing others. It's not easy when you're giving up a nice salary too, right? And it's not just a salary, it's a lifestyle that you've become accustomed to living with. Here you just come to a point where you're like, nothing matters beyond my happiness. Like, happiness truly is underrated.

Wish 00:20:29
Expound. 

Tania 00:20:29
It's not until you choose it and you're like, wow, so now I get paid to be creative. Now I get paid to be that light that brings me joy. It's unbelievable. It truly is. I would tell anyone to just choose you and do it in your own time. It took years for me to get to that point, to where I'm like, I'm giving it all up. I don't care what's on the other side. It took years. It took strength, it took going through a lot of things for me to get to that point. But once you're able to and we all have our own timelines, just find a way at some point in your life to choose you, and you will never regret it. You will never regret putting yourself first.

Wish 00:23:50
Yes, I agree. That's beautiful. It's the only way to go, really?

Tania 00:23:59
Yeah. I mean, I don't think we're put on this earth to live other people's lives.

Wish 00:24:05
Yes. And that's exhausting, 

Tania 00:24:05
Too exhausting. 

Wish 00:24:05
Oh, my goodness. But.

Tania 00:24:15
We all have our own journeys, our own path, and don't, you know, be gracious when it comes to yourself. Be kind. And, you know, if you come to this realisation or whenever you come to this realisation, that's when it's the right moment. And just know that me choosing myself, even though I was a pharmacist for a long last time, it was not for that was part of this path. Pharmacopeia, it's about a pharmacist. So had I not been a pharmacist, I'm not going through my own paths of my own path to my own personal paths and personal dealings with health care and the medical system and hearing other people's stories and just hearing their hearts and their concerns, and there would be no Pharmacopeia. So I believe everything in your past, in your past, they're just these little stones. You just pick them up, keep picking them up, keeping up, picking them up, and one day you can build a house out of them.

Wish 00:25:17
Oh, my gosh. I am mind blown by that one. That is so right. It's always great talking to you because there's always a lot of nuggets of wisdom, and I'm happy that to be recording, to capture, really, the beauty that I see in you. This is phenomenal. So, yes, I know I need to let you go soon. So in closing, what's the word that you can impart to our listeners and why? Word or a phrase.

Tania 00:25:51
Word or a phrase.

Wish 00:25:54
Yes.

Tania 00:25:56
Dang. I'm trying to get the wording of the phrase. I know what I want to say. I just want to get the right wording.

Wish 00:26:07
The creative mind at work... in the works.

Tania 00:26:12
No, I'm so frustrated. My mother would say this all the time, and I can't oh, that's it.

Wish 00:26:18
Okay.

Tania 00:26:19
Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.

Wish 00:26:25
Your mom is such a wise woman. She was such a wise woman, isn't she?

Tania 00:26:31
Thank you. Yeah, I loved her a lot.

Wish 00:26:35
I miss her now, too.

Tania 00:26:40
She talks so much, and now I get why she had to put in a lot of stuff.

Wish 00:26:46
But don't you think that deep inside that she's really you are the living I'm finding the right words, too. The living realisation of what your mom is.

Tania 00:27:02
Absolutely. I take that 100%. I love that. Thank you. Yeah, 100. And, I mean, she's still here. I carry in my heart every day.

Wish 00:27:16
Well, you make her so proud every single day.

Tania 00:27:20
Thank you. I do believe as much as she, like, go to college, get a good job, get a just work on retirement from the age of 25 so that you'll be ready by the time you're I don't know, whatever. But even though she was always a woman with the plan, I think she taught me to be gutsy. She taught me to be fearless. She taught me she lives a very bold life, and all that I am is because of her sacrifices, her boldness, her moves, her fearlessness through life. And so I think I do I believe she would be so proud of the manifestation of who she was, that I'm the manifestation, but in a different way. All those things, but just in a different way.

Wish 00:28:16
Absolutely. I agree with that. Well, thank you so much for hanging out with me.

Tania 00:28:23
Are you kidding me? I'm with you. Love you Wish! I got that email, and I was just like, absolutely. It's always a pure joy to talk to you. I'm so glad we connected years ago.

Wish 00:28:41
Yeah. You've always been gracious to me from the get-go, and I really appreciate that. I feel that there are only really a few people who see me, the real me, and you're one of them. And I really appreciate that. I hope to see you in New York soon enough for another fruit smoothies sesh.

Tania 00:29:03
Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Absolutely. We have to make that happen. If I don't make it to Singapore first.

Wish 00:29:12
Yes.

Tania 00:29:15
Long overdue.

Wish 00:29:21
From this episode. One of the most important words about life is journey. It is the long and often difficult process of personal change and development. It is similar to words trip, drive, roving, peregrination, wandering, globetrotting, odyssey, travels, expedition. Usher, an american RnB singer quoted: "Success is about dedication. You may not be where you want to be or do what you want to do when you're on the journey, but you've got to be willing to have vision and foresight that leads you to an incredible end." 

Wish 00:29:21
We are constantly moving and trying to grasp what we think we wanted in life. But things change. Plans, life they all get affected by other people, in other instances of other things. So we have to keep on moving. And we always think and we always hear about the end game, but I don't think it's not the endgame that we needed. It's that journey that we have to experience, that we can tweak, we can survive, we can learn from failures. We can be victorious along the way, be surprised, love and hate and do different things before the end game. And when you go to the endgame, what? The journey is really something that we cannot ever master. But we can embrace. So life will be worth living. Enjoy that journey.

Wish 00:31:08
Thank you for listening to Human Thesaurus. Please help me rate and subscribe because your support means a great deal. Join me again next week for another episode. And while waiting, why not listen to my past few episodes? You may find one of them absorbing. I'm your host Wish Ronquillo Peacocke. Have a fantastic day and thanks for listening.